when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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