I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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