guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
