She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad