We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.