i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
