In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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