I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
