i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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