yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
third nipple confirmed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize