Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
