I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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