He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
