You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
