Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
