You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
