so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
