My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
