you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
