i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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