I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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