Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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