I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
