My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
