I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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