I'm laying in your front yard are you home
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
