You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
