An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
