Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize