apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
