i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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