I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
