1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
