i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
