Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
