i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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