My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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