apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
