just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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