just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You made out with two different species that night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
