Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
