Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
