insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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