Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
