Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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