Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
why is half of my head shaved?
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