You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
