ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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