Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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