I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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