Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
