Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
