i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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