can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
