I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
