hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
