Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
