O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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