YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want her autograph on my taint
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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