when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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