i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
