I want to stick my p in your. b.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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