I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
