I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
