Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize