I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
