it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
