Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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