I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
