So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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